


standing there laughing

by ChampagneAngel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hopeful Ending, It is sad guys but it gets better I promise, M/M, MWPP Era, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), temporary off-screen character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:08:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24522148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChampagneAngel/pseuds/ChampagneAngel
Summary: Remus and Sirius, from 1977 to 1998.Sirius’s love was a vast, unquenchable thing, but Remus’s had always been moon-drenched and snarling.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Temporary Remus/Tonks - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	standing there laughing

**1977**

“Will you love me forever, Moony?” Sirius whispers. He rolls closer, grinning and pale against the darkness of the bed.  
  
“Of course I will.” Remus replies. His bones are aching from the moon, and the scar that curves across his jaw throbs with every breath. “Forever.”   
  
Sirius digs his nails into Remus’s ribs and leans close. His eyes are black, and Remus can feel every breath on his lips - warm and damp and close.   
  
“Mine, Moony. Forever.” Outside, an owl screams. Remus breathes in and out and holds onto the pale fingers across his chest. Sirius laughs quietly, but his face is fixed. Sometimes Remus can hardly see the Black family heritage. Sometimes, it overwhelms. Sirius’ mouth is a slash in the dark, and his eyes are bruised and wild when they kiss. “Mine, Remus.” The moon has stretched one bright, beckoning finger through the curtains, but it is Sirius, as always, who has answered her call. 

**1981**  
  
Remus knew they were gone the moment that Lily and James died. He was staying the night in a tiny hotel in London. There was too much suspicion in the flat he shared with Sirius. Too many glances. Sometimes Remus felt like he would cut his hands on the silences, and lie there, quietly bleeding. Sometimes Sirius would just sit and watch him as he read. His black hair was longer these days, and he wore it pulled back from his face. From the corner of Remus’ eye he looked angry. Wild. Then Remus would glance up and it was just Sirius – funny Sirius Black, who once proposed to Dumbledore in the middle of breakfast. Sirius Black, the boy that teachers loved, that they despaired of – the boy who gifted McGonagall cat food one Monday morning. Sirius Black, the Potter’s second son. The man that Remus didn’t want to face.

So he wasn’t home that night, and now he knew that he never would be again. There was a cold beneath his skin. An overwhelming cold. Lily and James were dead. They had just been so good, so bright. So passionate and selfless. Still only children. And now they were gone. The New Moon keened in the Autumn sky and Remus knew. 

The Daily Prophet ran the story the following day. A photo of Sirius clawed at the sides of the newspaper - eyes wild and dark and wounded. His open mouth severed the page, and he laughed and he laughed and he laughed. 

**1995**

Anybody who had known Sirius at school said it was obvious how much Azkaban had changed him. _Such a shame_ , McGonagall whispered to Remus one day. _It will take time for him to heal_ , Dumbledore nodded. Remus didn’t think Sirius had changed. He was older now, far older than his 44 years. But Remus too, was aged – broken and wrung out from years alone beneath the naked moon.

Sirius had always had the Black insanity. It had just concealed itself, veiled beneath his beauty and his youth. Remus watched Sirius watch Harry now, and it was like they were 16 again. 

_James was roaring, teeth white and beautiful against his dark skin, and Sirius was barking with laughter beside him, arm in arm, the two of them doubled over._

_And then they were rising, and James was thumping him on the back with a grin, and turning to shout Frank over to the group – and Sirius was watching James. His smile was still stretched across his face, but his eyes were intent, and his whole body was electrically, devoutly connected to James’s. When one boy moved, the other was already there - almost unthinkingly. But Remus knew, even then, that Sirius knew what he was doing. James was good, and bright, and brilliant - and Sirius was his brother in arms, his Lancelot. Sirius would have followed him into battle against 100 men, with no wand, no weapon, nothing but the promise of James’s smile._

And now Sirius watched Harry like that. Reverent. If James had been Sirius’s brother, then Harry was Sirius’s divinity. His reason to go on.

And Sirius watched Remus, as well. Had always watched Remus.

Each night they slipped into each other’s bed and ripped apart the brightness of the day. Starving hands met starving skin and their mouths caught teeth more than they kissed. Sirius’s love was a vast, unquenchable thing, but Remus’s had always been moon-drenched and snarling. 

**1997**

Tonks was a true Black and Remus couldn’t help but kiss her. He’d always had an affinity for the mad ones. 

She was a changing storm of a person, turbulent and crashing into a different form each day. “I don’t know if I’m even human.” She admitted one night. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to look like.” He watched her across the sheets and said nothing. His heart was calm in his chest. 

He should have known better though, than to try and love a Black with anything but fire. She began to act out, provoke him - sharpening her fingers into claws when he reached for her hand - erupting in scales when he leant to kiss her stomach. 

“Are you mine, Remus?” She murmured into his shoulder one night. He pulled her closer and wrapped an arm around her waist. Said nothing. She turned to look at him. Her skin began to pale and stretch.

His breath caught in his throat, and he blinked once, twice, and then it wasn’t Tonks in his arms at all, it was him and –

“Are you mine, Remus?” Asked those eyes, those false eyes - but they were Black eyes, mad eyes, and they loved him, and –

“Yours.” Remus replied, and he scratched his nails up the ribcage beneath him and fell forwards. His teeth clashed against teeth, and the tears he could taste belonged to both of them. 

**2nd May 1998 - After the Battle**

They were there, all three of them. They stood together in the Great Hall, beneath a ceiling dripping with stars. A full moon hung above, heavy and ripe, but he felt no change. They were all so, so young. Not alive - never alive again - but together. James, with his beaming grin and untamed hair and open arms. Lily, freckled and joyful and aflame. And Sirius - so incredibly bright and wild and handsome.

Remus stumbled closer to them - to him - and as he reached out he noticed that his hands were young again, unmarked. “Sirius, I - “

Laughter interrupted him. Free and gleaming and loud. And then Sirius was bounding forwards to grasp him by the arms. His eyes were blazing, ravenous, and his breath was close enough to stir the hairs on Remus’s face.

“I told you, Moony. Forever.” 

Then he kissed him, and Remus laughed and laughed and laughed into their open mouths.

**Author's Note:**

> My writing process for this was frantic typing, crying, wailing, and then desperately asking why I decided to break my own heart.


End file.
